navigating life's shadows with chocolate & reluctant yoga

rhinds with orange

rhinds with orange

welcome to the virtual version of my mind. some say i've come a bit 'unhinged.' what do they know. hey, door hinge! that almost rhymes with orange.

Recent Posts

Dancing With the Wolves

Dancing With the Wolves

There is a wild woman under our skin who wants nothing more than to dance until her feet are sore, sing her beautiful grief into the rafters, and offer a bottomless cup of her creativity as a way of life. And if you are able […]

Cohen’s Arrival

Cohen’s Arrival

January 19, 2013, 5:21am 8lbs 11oz, 20 inches December 26, 2012 came and went, the original first due date. Sometimes it’s hard to really know whether the due dates given by doctors are the actual due dates or if the baby and God have a […]

Pregnant with Quadruplets!

Pregnant with Quadruplets!

Dry roasted peanuts cravings at 1am, ready for  naps by 10am, not being able to button your favorite pair of jeans in just under 2 months, appearing as though you are 4 months pregnant when you are really only 2 months pregnant, acne breakouts in groups of four all over your jawline, two groups on each side, intense desire to go to the cooler in the grocery store and crack open and drink an entire gallon of vitamin D milk which normally would make you gag, a permanent smile across your face that doesn’t even leave when you sleep (according to your husband). Yes, I would most assuredly say, these are all strong signs of not just being pregnant but being pregnant with quadruplets.

I carry in my heart womb 3 year old twins and a 4 week old, I carry in my womb an 8 week old. Do you need to read that last line again? I don’t blame you,  I needed to as well.

I mean really, why do in 7 years what you can do in less than 2 months. Only the Master Creator could be behind a move like this. That’s right my lovely readers, you are picking up what I am laying down. I am expecting yet another sweet little miracle. I could not and I repeat, could not, be more elated. Initially I thought I was experiencing all of these symptoms due to my 3 heart pregnancies but it would appear as though it is that plus 1!

When we told the girls this morning, they must have jumped up and down and spun in circles singing “Adams family, party of 8, your table is ready” 500 times.  I love the sound of that. Nothing is ever wasted in God’s world. 8 signifies new beginnings. I dare say, this is a new beginning for the Adams family. A newer beginning than I could have ever imagined for myself. Grateful doesn’t come close to the way I feel.

So if you see me at the grocery store with my 8 year old, my 5 year old, my 2-3 year olds, my 1 year old, my newborn and my hair isn’t done, my socks don’t match and there’s peanut butter on my butt, please, by all means, come over and offer me a brush and a wipe. I’ll gratefully receive your kind gesture.

Lo, children are a heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Psalm 127:2-4

We are still raising much needed funds to bring our three Haitian beauties home. Please donate what you are able and share our story with as many people as you can. Most of you follow our journey fairly closely. So for those of you who do not, we wanted you to know that the funds that were being raised for our last adoption that turned out to be a scam, were used toward this adoption and it paid for passports, legal document copies, medical evaluations and our application fee. Those fees were not included in our 36k. Please be reassured it was used for what it was intended.

We still need to raise 5k more by Friday and then after that we will still have another 31k to go! It takes a village to raise a child, a village to pay to bring a child home, 8 villages to raise 8 children and 3 villages to bring 3 babies home from Haiti. Will you please do all you can. We are so grateful for all of your support. 

 

 

I’m A to Z, I’m the Beginning, I’m the Conclusion

I’m A to Z, I’m the Beginning, I’m the Conclusion

And You oh Lord, are everything in between! As I sat here tonight deciding where to begin with my updates, my mind began to wander to something I read in the intro to the book of Revelations not long ago.  “Our times are not propitious […]

Live Well and Celebrate You!

Live Well and Celebrate You!

Many people think that what’s written in the Bible has mostly to do with getting people into heaven, getting right with God, saving their eternal souls. It does have to do with that, of course, but not mostly. It is equally concerned with living on […]

When The Times Ripe, I Will Answer You!

When The Times Ripe, I Will Answer You!

I’m setting you up as a light for the nations so that my salvation becomes global. When the times ripe, I answer you. When victory’s due, I help you. I form you and use you to reconnect the people with me, to put the land in order, to resettle families on the ruined properties. I’ll make all my mountains into roads, turn them into super highways. Isaiah 49:6-12 Message

I happened upon these straight shooting words this morning as I was wrestling around trying to settle my mind and heart to hear. I had marked in my bible another time these words became walking letters on the pages, it was the same month exactly four years ago in 2008. It became quickly clear to me there was a message for me here and it would serve me quite well to pay close attention.

It’s been almost exactly one month since we became aware that the New Family Edition chapter of our book was not going to be written the way we once perceived it might. Over the past month I have processed through more emotions than I care to really talk about. Shock, Anger, Deep Sadness, Confusion, Concern, Worry, Doubt, Fear, Unbelief, Gratefulness, Peace, Belief, Trust, Hope, Joy and the list goes on. You see, something happens inside of our physical bodies when life does not go the way we plan. I think I forget that even though the word says, man makes his plans and God directs his steps; I make that out to mean, if I make my own plan, surely it will come to pass as I plan. Rarely have I found that to be true. At least in my own life, more often than not, it’s not even close to my own plan. You see, when this happens, my physical body wants to fight, resist, push back and wrestle to the ground “the way things are” with the weapon of “the way things should be.”  Not only does this cause my body to become weak but it opens my heart and mind to attack.  I begin to question the plan of God for my life. I become fretful, worrisome and take on a victim mentality and in moments like that, I am most certain I am the only person ever to feel this way.

When disappointment happens, when discouragement tries to set in, when lies do their best to embed in my mind, I begin to think back. I begin to make a list of all of the things that have turned out well for me. I make a list of all the ways God has sustained me. I remember when it started out this way but turned out that way. I remember how I felt, what I saw, how that moment changed the entire course of my life and I stop for a moment and exhale the words, I am grateful.

Gracelynn RoseMichelle will be five years old in May. She came to our home for the first time in July of 2007, she was barely 2 1/2 months old. She had just underwent a major surgery for the removal of a teratoma tumor from her tailbone. She was brought to the states on a Medical Visa. We had the honor to visit her at Detroit Children’s Hospital days before she would arrive in our home. At that time we were going to be the host family that would give her the care she needed to gain strength and recover. She would spend the week with us and on the weekends a nearby college student would come pick her up and bring her back to campus. In the beginning this was to be a short term thing and knowing that we were able to give her all the care in the world during the week and open our hands palm side up on the weekends, I told myself “I can do it.”  After a month of this arrangement my heart began to ache inside. Initially I couldn’t understand why until it hit me, I was falling in love with this little princess from Haiti, this precious child born to another mother hundreds of miles away. I began to tap into this mother’s heart beat. She released this baby into the hands of a stranger with the faith and hope of a better chance of life, knowing full well she may never see her again. For months I made that my strength, I recalled what it must have been like to let her go and every weekend I would.

The Holiday season rolled around that same year and through tears one morning I told my husband, “I cannot do this arrangement anymore, the bond is getting stronger and the thought of her leaving forever is more than I can bear.” He went into action with a phone call requesting that we be allowed to become her forever family. A few weeks later, we were granted permission to begin the adoption process. Little did I know what would be in store. Little did I know the fear I would have to face everyday hearing the words, her medical visa extension could be denied, medical visa babies are never adoptable and the list goes on.
Everyday there was something staring me in the face trying to cause worry and doubt. Everyday there were the walking letters on the pages of God’s word that reminded me, He never forgets me, ever! He always has a bigger picture in mind.  Gracelynn will be five in May. She is ours forever, not without heartache, not without pain, not without a driving will to trust and believe, but she is ours. Recently we have learned that our New Family Member Edition chapter is just starting to be written. Everything belongs, nothing is wasted and it all has redemptive value. Maybe God used our last experience to ready us for the one He has had in mind since the beginning of time. Hope has found its way to my heart once again and I choose to believe that regardless of what I see or feel, when the times ripe, He will answer.

 

Mom because I love you. A Poume of incurigmint. (A Poem of Encouragement)

Mom because I love you. A Poume of incurigmint. (A Poem of Encouragement)

I could hardly wait to blog today. Normally I don’t have time to blog but I am slowly learning (because I can be a slow learner) that you have to carve out time to share your story. So here I go in no particular order, […]

The Day God Made our Sundae!

The Day God Made our Sundae!

I never really thought this is how my life would go, the wounds, the pain, the scars, the brokenness, the separation, the divorce. Wait a minute, wasn’t I living out my childhood dream? The dream of being married to a Pastor and my love for […]

June? Summer? What?

June? Summer? What?

June? Summer? What? So, I had this lofty goal of blogging at least once a month and keeping all of you fine folks updated on the most exciting journey of Annagail and The Adams Family. First, let me pause a moment, to laugh really hard at that! I honestly do not know where the time keeps running off to. It could have a little something to do with the fact that we just moved, we travel two weeks out of the month, we are raising and homeschooling two amazing and full of energy babes, we are writing for our new album, we sit on the board of several companies (profit and non profit alike) , I am just finishing my first book entitled “My Sister Chocolate, My Sister Vanilla”. Oh then there is summer, building sand castles, planting herb gardens, swimming in the lake, boating, kids play dates, swimming lessons, slumber parties, going to the circus and the like. Let us not forget, cooking healthy meals for the gang, becoming an expert cornrower, rockin out new hair styles, girls trip only to Wisconsin, honoring our heritage at Dutch Village and an Irish pub, working out so our hearts can keep up with our schedules, building community, meeting incredible new friends (Fred and Ethel) and so much more!

These past few months have been a whirlwind but I would not change a thing. We kicked off our Spring with an amazing five days in Destin Florida with our dear friends (The Stuarts) from Franklin, TN. That was one of the most relaxing vacations we have ever been on. We literally slept, ate and ran around in our bathing suits all day, everyday. Insert note for the reader, from the author: of which I wore a two piece, first time in years! At the end of day five we were golden brown and revived to take on the world. Let me pause again to laugh at that! With every good intention comes a whole lot of obstacle. One thing I can say for certain is patience is having its good work in me! The more I am made to wait, the more patient I become. Isn’t that phenomenal how that works like that. You can fight it and get really anxious or you can roll with it and learn things will hardly ever go as you plan but by all means, keep on planning. Alot of times, they will go way better than you had planned, after you stop and take a moment to look back on how it all worked out.

One of my current favorite authors says it best: Faith is the patience with mystery that allows you to negotiate the stages. It allows God to lead you through darkness, where God knows and I don’t. This is the only way to come to love. Love is the true goal. Faith is the process of getting there and hope is the willingness to live without resolution or closure. If we are not trained in a trust of mystery and some degree of tolerance for ambiguity, frankly we will not proceed very far on the spiritual journey! R. Rohr

Go ahead and read that again if you must. It’s worth the time invested to read it and then read it again. The more I learn to enjoy the moment I am in, the less I am concerned with the moments of all my tomorrows. I am truly learning to make every moment count and to keep myself alert yet at rest. That in and of itself is a tricky balance, one that can only be kept by staying nestled under the wings of Truth and Love! I have found that if I do not tuck under daily, the balance begins to shift and everything leans to the left. I then find myself walking at a slant and I sure get a lot of funny stares.

Considering the fact that it’s way past my bedtime, I will end this journal entry the way it began (hey look, we are full circle). Now for the updates and hoopla of Annagail and the Adams Family: Our very first music video is being finalized, Annagail’s interview is complete and soon to be on YouTube, a fun new sitcom is in the works, our single has made it into the movie, “Decision” and will be out in September on the GMC channel, our story is being aired on TCT this fall, radio tour continues, Jared got his first tatoo and I was supposed to get a matching one and instead decided my nose piercing was enough, Faith is adding to her list of experiences more voice overs and has a heart bigger than the sky, Grace is learning to sing more than one note and they both keep us laughing, we are signed up to adopt again, we have walked with family members through loss of job and home, we have faced more illness in the past year than in the past fifteen years, we laugh more, love more, cry more and forgive more than ever before and we are alive to tell about it!

Stay tuned for more exciting updates at non regular intervals.

Truly yours,

Sparrow

The Gift Has Been Given

The Gift Has Been Given

Welcome back my faithful reader (s). As promised, a deeper dip into seasons of my journey. I was told some time ago by a trusted mentor that i have this horrible habit of stuffing my feelings. Kind of like a green pepper stuffed with raw […]