navigating life's shadows with chocolate & reluctant yoga

Mom because I love you. A Poume of incurigmint. (A Poem of Encouragement)

Mom because I love you. A Poume of incurigmint. (A Poem of Encouragement)

I could hardly wait to blog today. Normally I don’t have time to blog but I am slowly learning (because I can be a slow learner) that you have to carve out time to share your story. So here I go in no particular order, rather writing as it comes.

We had our home study today at 9am. It took about two hours and the sweetest woman in the world came to our home. As I was preparing last night I was so anxious for this home study.  I wanted to make sure every detail was cared for completely and that I wouldn’t be the one holding this process up. After the babes went to bed, my handsome man doing some web design, i spent two hours going through Gracelynn’s suitcase full of paperwork from her adoption being completed just six months ago. Her adoption took us over 3 years and it was so intense. Just when I thought I had done everything right, we would receive a letter from her agency that something was missing or incorrect. We had to gather information and more information and make numerous copies of everything several times over. I seriously thought the paperwork process and questioning would never ever end but here I sit at the suitcase with the realization that it did end. It ended really well. It ended with my beautiful chocolate daughter in my arms and no one else’. It ended just as God promised it would. In the still of the night when I would worry, fret and fear that she would have to go back to Haiti. Back to the place that could not care for her, back to the place that abandoned her, back to the place that couldn’t feed her, back to the place where her father had no face. Those were the thoughts that haunted me those 3 years repeatedly. I would get on my face and weep and every single time, my Father, my most trustworthy Father, would remind me, “I hold her in the palm of my hands as I hold you.” “Nothing happens apart from my knowing, I will finish what I start.”

Sorting through the countless pieces of paper remembering every thought, pain, fear and emotion that we walked through, it all flooded back last night and once again I was faced with a choice. Would I stay on the path of TRUST, knowing that LOVE would see this through or would I cower in fear lacking the faith to believe that what He has started with our daughter S will be just as he had planned from the very beginning of her life in the womb. I gathered numerous copies of things that I believed would be needed to complete this home study and two hours later I had a stack four inches high. I put everything in order and placed them on the table for morning. As I turned around to go up the stairs to bed I found this piece of folded paper on the floor. I wanted to take a moment to share it with you  as I read it. I believe you will find the power and encouragement that I found last night to climb those stairs in TRUST.

//Mom because I love you! A Poume of Incurigmint!//

Blue sky blue sky in. Gray sky gray sky out! Keep your chin up high and don’t whare a pout. Let good thoughts in let the ungoodones out. Keep on going down the path don’t turn yourself back.

Let your heart and soul and God lead the way. Don’t try to lead yourself. Let God lead you as you go down the path of life. Don’t try to be someone else be yourself. Follow your heart. Do what you disiarer (desire) to do. Don’t let anyone get you down. Keep a smile on your face. Take a breth on bad days. Don’t look at the past. Cuz its all over in the past. You’ve already been there. Don’t hold in the tears let them out. Even if thare happy or sad, mad or silly. Just let out some tears when needed. Go down the path, follow God no matter what happens. Just do it! I love you much. Faith Adams 03/06/12

These were words written by my amazing 8 year old daughter, Faith. She is one of the most sensitive little ladies I have ever had the honor of knowing. I had not spoken a word to her of what I would be doing after her and chocolate went to bed but she knew. We had a conversation just before bed that went like this. “Mom, I know you and dad have what it takes to bring us our sister.” “I also know she is hurting Mom but don’t worry, we have enough love no matter how bad her pain.” Those words are on repeat in my heart.

Thank you Creator for the gift of children, for all of them, big, tall, large, small, young, old, broken, new!


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